Thoughts Dump

Sometimes I feel I should put a bit more thought into this blog. After all, this blog has seen me at my best and has helped me at my worst.

I think I started this blog way back in 2004-5, because I thought it would be a great place to say things I could not say, write things I never had the opportunity to...write.

Although this blog has gotten me in trouble a few times, at least I witnessed the power of screaming and shouting through the internet.

When writing, I always question my grammar: Is this right? wrong? Is there subject-verb agreement? Past/present participles? clauses? prepositions? My biggest problem lies with unclear pronouns.

OH MY GOSH. I get very worked up...(insecurities)

I wish I have an in-house editor

 I'm not suited for writing. I am one lousy writer.

I'm an "amateur" writer.

(lol)

BUT. this is my blog, my expression, my way of putting my feet on the ground and staking a claim in cyber-field. I know I will be pelted with onyx stones in the name of poor-attempt-at-writing. Until then, let me have my last word~

Maybe, I wanted to keep in touch with people I have met. I have only shown some of my friends this blog, so if they...happen to remember me, remember my name, remember I have a blog, they can search this up and update themselves.
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Lots of things changed, and lots have also happened.

Since 2012: 
1) I completed my undergraduate education
2) Traveled to visit family in China
3) Did some yoga (I am absolute terrible at this, but I gave props to myself for trying)
4) Write in my journals, drew, did some artsy stuff that I am too embarrassed to show
5) Practiced my chinese instruments (then forget what I practiced on and must start over)
6) Practiced singing (oh my god. seriously?)
7) Sat at a beach and did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
8) Broke out in cheek acne (?!?!)
9) Pulled all-nighters for 3 nights, then waking up at 4pm everyday after that
.....

I did not hangout with anyone. I just sat, contemplated about life, relaxed. I'm sorry, I needed this. I needed this down time. It's not you it's me.

Excuses. The truth is I gotz no $$$ ok? Cannot hangout like back in college, alright? Poor ah, so for real..excuse me!

NOW, 2013:

Finally, I decided to go back to school.

This time as a graduate student. I'm excited and apprehensive, but I knew this is the right choice. It just felt...right.

Cheers and hopefully I might update sometime in the near future

xoxo
jes

Thoughts. Reflectivity

Note: Waking up at 4pm, sleeping at 6am. for 2 weeks straight. This is amazing. 
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Blog of the day: 

www.dramabeans.com 

Yes. I am so lazy, I rather read episode recaps than watch the drama...The writers do such an amazing job. Sometimes, I watch the episode first, then compare with the recaps: pretty accurate! I like reading commentary/critiques, which makes this site even more entertaining for me

The day (or the eve of) lunar new year 2012, I was in my friend's car. He was dropping my friend and I off our respective dorms/apartments, since it is dangerous for girls to walk back at night. After my girlfriend was dropped off. I got into a sad girl-pms bitchfit...about how this year will be one of my sad-depressing years. 

I told him how this year just won't be the same. Mostly because I feel there will be restrictions placed upon me. I might lose people I care about. I might, under some circumstances, forgo friendships for the sake of mediating with my mental health (lol..dramatic much)...MEANING: My post-graduation years will be filled with self-reflectivity, meditation, trips to the temples, much needed rest from the craziness of partying, socializing, irregularity. 

He told me along the lines of: don't worry about it. 

But I do! I cried and threw a hissyfit during commencement. I even cried 2 hours before, dousing myself with foundation and thick eyeliner. I even cried the next day, after realizing the life I had over the past 4 years, came to a halting end. 

Even worse, I can't even full-heartedly accept the Congrats and You're Awesome(s) from many of my peers. I apologize! 

Now that I think about it, I am glad I took this Post-grad break. I am glad my mom can't stand me moping around and sent me with her to Macau. I am glad my cousins were able to help me overcome some of my sadness that I am feeling deep inside 

Thank you Thank you Thank you! For all your help and encouragement, my dear friends and family. I will definitely work hard, and make you all proud! 

My mom told me that cell phone numbers can foretell your luck! She said my cell phone number sucks! That's why I am so depressed all the time. She even called up Verizon to ask if she can change it and they told her no u cannot lah! (LOL) So I told her don't worry we will get nice new phone and nice new numbers next year! 

I have no idea where she checks this cell phone number fortune stuff...it's probably those chinese websites (sina? weibo? ..) 

Trips

Note: I'm going to try something new: I'm going to attempt color coding my paragraphs/phrases/clauses (lol). Although my prof.s' tell me I am very good with organization (I've come a long way from 3rd grade... but that's for another post), some readers tell me they have trouble following my posts sometimes. I hope you're ok with this change, and please anticipate my upcoming posts! -JT
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Blog of the day: 

Spent my day reading http://www.mirutadelaseda.com/, a travel blog by Fernando about his visits to countries/cities that were part of the Silk Road 

Good stuff! Although, I didn't have the patience to read through everything, I loved looking through the pictures...

and think to myself, if I can travel, I would love to...just need $$.

I have a friend who loves to travel..(actually a lot), she's crazy! She'll tell me (and her hundreds of fb friends and who knows..maybe THOUSANDS of weibo/renren/insert chinese popular social media portal/blog site) where she wants to go

& she does end up going. 

Almost every time she plans a trip, she'll ask me (unless she has those mini trips..where i'll def not be available)

and I always had to decline..too bad she doesn't know that I am declining..i just had to "politely ignore" if there is such a courtesy

It's not that I don't want to travel, but I don't have the money to travel. I am a poor just-out-of-college graduate, unemployed..the worst (which is really difficult to admit to friends, but a lot less through the internet)

When my financial situation is not at ease, it is difficult to consider traveling...def. won't hurt to dream, though

Well, if she does happen to chance on this post, I would like to tell her:

I'm really really sorry~ I really can't come along with you on your amazing trips to different continents/countries/cities...I really would love to come when my financial situation is a LOT more stable, but as of now I cannot afford it! Perhaps in the near future, when I am ready, ask me again, and I'll accompany you...and since I'm one crazyasss entertainer like u know I am, you won't regret it! Again, i'm deeply sorry ;( 

also, i have to find a way to save up money for macau/china...as if one trip a few months ago was not enough. 

mom got so happy that macau gov is passing out 8000 (patacas ) she called me just to tell me that...the government is so nice over there! hahaha

I have arisen from sleep

I'm starting to post again!

So excited! I should've started when I have my free time (which was...3 months ago), but I wanted a good "relaxed" break.

So now I am done with relaxing...

I'm going to revamp the blog layout right now, and start another phase of myself.

Be ready folks! :)

Well, I suppose, as a revival post, let me share with you all a story:

I remember I started this blog nearly a decade ago. I moved 1 hour away from my hometown, so I wanted to keep in touch with all my close friends and acquaintances. I shared how my high school is like, how awesome my live is (on the contrary it was stressful), and that I missed everyone at home and just wanted to see them.

Then it gradually evolved to chatting about high school differences and culture shocks.

College came; I simply blogged about the stress from procrastination haha

now, I just want to blog about whatever that comes to my mind.

From the beginning, I always wanted this to be a space for me to say things that I couldn't express to people. I wanted this blog to fill itself with stories of my past, my learnings, my life.

I remembered while sitting at a coffee shop with my 2 college buddies, my friend K pulled out a planner/journal and started writing about what she did that day. She proceeded to ask me what she did yesterday.

me: "What? How would I know? Does it matter?"
K: "Wouldn't it be nice if you remember what you've done? like...wouldn't it be nice to remember what you have done yesterday, the day before, months ago, years ago?"

isn't this also why i choose to blog? except that people can read this publicly, while she records in private.

I hope with all that i bring to this blog from now on, will all be posts that inspire. Help. Provide comedic relief, even.

I'm going to try my hardest. We will see where this blog will be...in a few years! :)